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Pretty Blue Gun.

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You're a dandelion seed... [24 Apr 2010|02:57am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

I just read about 300 entries back.

I am amazed.

Still the same girl in so many ways, the dead bird, the parking lot antics, the career aspirations...

But oh so different.

Oh, younger me, if only I could go back and warn you.

"Don't ask that girl in Chicago to read your palm."

I'm still alive.

I still miss this.

I still fantasize about running into you, laughing, and losing a beautiful afternoon in a coffee shop.

Love you dearly little faux family.

(So much better easier than the real thing.)

Ecks oh, ecks oh.

6 fools. [] Playing that second line.

Seasons change, people change.. [03 Dec 2007|10:39pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

So it's been an eternity.

I think about you sometimes and I'm so glad you're here.

Let's hope you never really go away and that I never come that close to forgetting my password again.

It's good to see everyone is well and still just as beautiful and sweet.

Something made me think of betterthanhaiku yesterday and I thought I'd check in.

UPDATES:

Married, <3.
On the East Coast.
Big Girl Job.
Dogs.
Cat.
Happy.
Pink Toenails. 

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Wait for it...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.


Ecks oh, ecks oh.

p.s.) Tidings of comfort and joy.

4 fools. [] Playing that second line.

A little sick to my stomach... [22 Feb 2005|10:26pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

If you can't even pretend to care...

Why should I?

5 fools. [] Playing that second line.

It's been a while... [07 Feb 2005|11:25pm]
[ mood | predatory ]

Approval isn't something I give out just to be polite.
I sit and stare till my neck threatens to spasm, but nothing changes.
The weight that hovers above me, blissfully light, desperately heavy.
What I can do is more than you'll tolerate, but still not enough.
I cover up to keep the image sharp.
I show it all to make the canvas more attractive.
I'm running in circles, backwards, barefoot, on gravel.
I'll pack and unpack, and suffer with my depression.
The time crawls, I crawl.
My mind struggling to process all I can not understand.
Equations and abrasions.
Your smile makes me realize how unhappy I really am.
And I can't help hating you for it.
She talks and I listen, I talk and she shoves pencils in her ears.
Not that she, the other she, the she with all the issues.
The she I sometimes feel is me.
What a waste of two perfectly good pencils, and ears.
Whatever's left is put on hold.
And it's better that way.
To let the bitter drown.
I'll continue to let you down...

4 fools. [] Playing that second line.

My little dark cloud of doom... [30 Dec 2004|07:01pm]
[ mood | angry ]

So, first of all-I found a cavity.
MY FIRST CAVITY EVER, THEY HURT, WHAT THE HELL!?
Then, I realized I lost one of my Christmas $50 bills!
Either lost or possibly stolen, though more likely lost...
In the midst of all this SOMETHING possesses me to go bra shopping.
Which is hell, hell that is cramped inside of a tiny room with unflattering lights.
A tiny room in a tiny store with a tiny selection of tiny bras I can't even BEGIN to fit into.
I leave with nothing, go to work the next day, and the fun continues.
I come back to my locker to take my lunch at work, it's open.
AND $40 DOLLARS ARE MISSING!!!
Lost/stolen, I don't fucking know.

---

The grand total is $90 missing, + one cavity, wishing I was - some boobs.

6 fools. [] Playing that second line.

Tired, tired of being admired... [06 Dec 2004|06:10pm]
[ mood | happy ]

First of all, I am a shitter of a friend:
Karen-you came and went and I didn't even stop by!!!
Aww, I am a huge shitter of a friend...
There were good times to be had and Arabica to mourn.
I am such a shitter of a friend!
Sowwy...
-
Item numbah' two, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.
This is week number two, WEEK NUMBER TWO, of this cough.
I had a small cough, then I lost my voice, now I have a big ugly cough.
DAMN YOU IMMUNE SYSTEM, DAMMMMNNNN YOOOOUUUUU!!!!!
If this shit turns into an upper respiratory infection I will freak out.
"Uh oh, that sounds like Bronchitis."
Really?
Because you sound like I'm about to scratch your eyes out, and then COUGH ON YOU!
-
Thhhuh-rheee: Work takes forever, and by forever I mean I'm tired of being sexually harassed.
"Hey baby, you've got something on your face...you know what it is? My eyes."
"How are you doing?"-"Fine."-"I didn't ask how you were looking, I asked how you were doing."
"Pretty smile, pretty girl, what's your job? To stand here and look pretty?"
Well, when I write them down I guess they don't sound too bad, but they feel bad.
It's really annoying, and if I weren't so tired all the time at work I might remember more.
I wake up 5 minutes before work, throw on dirty jeans, a ratty sweatshirt, and scuffle out the door.
Damn construction workers and plumbers with their low standards and pick-up lines.
-
And I'm tired of this whole counting thing...
Anyways, Friend hasn't updated in forever!
Friend-what the Hell!?
I've been stalking Eye Ehtch Tea, I need stories!
Stalking...stories...UPDATE, DAMN YOU!
-
I found out my name is in Elf!
WEIRD!
-
This week is Finals, color me stressed the hell out.
If I wasn't such a damn procrastinator I'd be...
Well, I'd be writing a paper right now instead of this crap.
Hmmmmmmmmm...
-
Speaking of that, it totally said "Crap Pies" on the board in class today.
And even though I was the only one who saw it.
And even though I know it said "Group Pres." and that my TA's handwriting is worse than mine.
I could not look at the board without giggling like a fool, thereby drawing attention to my coolness.
My awesome, unavoidable, completely undeniable coolness.
But it totally said "Crap Pies"!
Come on!

8 fools. [] Playing that second line.

She's a maniac, maniac! [20 Nov 2004|08:19pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

Bow to me, the supreme bargain hunter of this, the tri-country area!!!

I just got:
This top.
In melon.
For $14.99.

I swear, I need a crown or something, or all the time red carpet, Jackass 'Wee Man' style.

5 fools. [] Playing that second line.

You've got such a pretty smile... [18 Nov 2004|05:56pm]
[ mood | pensive ]

I'm happy and depressed.

-

Today is the bitter pill hiding inside a candy shell.
It's shallow, I'm shallow, I can't get enough of this CD.
I'm falling apart and I know we're falling together.
You're not alone, and I suppose I'm not either, but I'm broken.
And the pieces, though pretty, are sharp and cut my feet.
Deep clean cuts that only bleed when I move.
Even Jimi Hendrix can't lift this ugly ghost from my shoulders.

-

Did I say I was happy?

1 fool. [] Playing that second line.

A thrifting we will go... [12 Nov 2004|12:44pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I got the most amazingly soft shirt at the thrift the other day.
It's from NY&CO and I've been wearing it now for 48 hours.
It helped me through my very first migraine last night.
It snuggled me at work while I was being harassed by construction workers and lumberjacks.
It went with me to the doctors office today to schedule my MRI.
It matches my scarf from last year.
It matches one of my favorite purses from Abercrombie.
It keeps me at just the right temperature.
It is amazing in all it's stony blue, body hugging, cuddly goodness.
It can not, however, seem to protect me from the fart that's wafting around the computer lab.
It can't get me Thankgsgiving off to go see my baby.
It is incapable of winning the lottery for me.
I think I'll have to go to the thrift again tonight and see if I can find it a long lost sister.
-
[Hopefully in pink.]
[p.s.-Did I mention that migraines suck? A lot? Like, a lot a lot?]

10 fools. [] Playing that second line.

No Smint, no kiss... [08 Nov 2004|04:47pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

FRIEND!

I got you the most bomb of $3 weekend before Thanksgiving gifts!

Get excited!!!

It's KILLER!!!

[No more caffeine and sugar for me...]

6 fools. [] Playing that second line.

Drove my Chevy to the levy... [03 Nov 2004|04:53pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Well, it's all said and done.
I have mixed feelings.
Bush is the worst public speaker ever, ever, EVER.
-
Big Lots gave some guy a "talking to" on my behalf.
I still can't/don't want to go back there alone, *calling Sarah*.
This is the worst way I can think of to break my Big Lots addiction, the worst!
-
My English teacher thinks he's funny...he's wrong.
I think he is the ULTIMATE candidate for Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
Carson would chew him up and spit him out-minus the socks and sandles.

1 fool. [] Playing that second line.

God bless America... [02 Nov 2004|11:44pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

The news keeps regurgitating the same few headlines to me.
And everyone has a different Electorial College number to post.
Maybe we'll know by tomorrow...then again maybe not.
All this stress isn't good for me.

---

Off to pray, may the best man win.

*****-----------
*****-----------
------------------
------------------

6 fools. [] Playing that second line.

He did the mash...he did the MONSTER MASH! [31 Oct 2004|06:22pm]
[ mood | spook-tacular ]

Trick or Treat.
Smell my feet.
Give me something good to eat.
If you don't.
I don't care.
I'll pull down your underwear!

---

Oh yeah, I went there.
You saw it, I did it, and I'd do it again.

---

Happy Halloween!!!

6 fools. [] Playing that second line.

And here I am... [24 Oct 2004|11:05pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Aww, shucks.

-

You knew I'd come crawling back.

15 fools. [] Playing that second line.

Fly... [13 Aug 2004|10:58am]
[ mood | sad ]

Rest in peace little bird...

-

I knew in my heart last night.
So I made a post and took a picture.
And I wept for his little broken body.
My fears were confirmed this morning.
He looked so quiet and comfortable.

-

I know the care I gave him wasn't perfect, but I loved him, and I'll miss him.

13 fools. [] Playing that second line.

...wind beneath my wings. [12 Aug 2004|11:29pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

I found an injured sparrow in the front beds of my house on Saturday. There wasn't any sign of it having been attacked so I figure the evil culprit is either a window or possibly West Nile, although that isn't really very likely. I've taken care of it for six days now and much to my dismay, it's condition keeps getting worse. When I brought him in he had a limp and favored leaning instead of standing and could fly. Gradually, he has gone from using one leg, not being able to use either leg, and now having the ability to push and kick with one leg but keeping the other one balled up so that it looks crippled. He can't fly anymore, but sometimes flaps one wing when he gets excited. I took him outside the other day to sit on the deck outside my bedroom to get him some fresh air and let him feel wild again like he's supposed to be. He darted his head around following the path of every flying bird and moving thing, looking the most perky he had in days, he started to flap his only working wing and trying desperately to lift himself off of my hand. He tried so hard and looked so sure, like any second he could just shake all his little ailments and go back to normal, I just sat there and cried for him. It broke my heart. I've given him a few warm baths and it seems to get him feeling more active. He even gets a very gentle burst of heat from my hair-dryer and a soft comb of his belly feathers with my eyelash brush. He's developed a little twitch in his head and his leg, but sits quietly most of the time. He can't move himself so when it's time for bed I have to fluff his bedding in a way that he can rest but still be right next to his food in case he gets hungry. I've named him Peanut because of his love for peanut butter when I first brought him in. He eats mostly thistle seed now, but not today or last night, he barely ate any peanut butter today either. I'm worried what his lack of hunger might mean. What I want most is to have him be a healthy wild bird again and in my heart I haven't given up hope. So think good thoughts for my little Peanut and send him lots of love and prayers, he needs it all.

4 fools. [] Playing that second line.

I'm here without you baby... [01 Aug 2004|12:31am]
[ mood | lonely ]

I miss you most when I hear you laugh.
And when I'm holding my pillow at night instead of you.
When I wear that perfume I wore with you, and the memories come flooding back.
When I'm listening to the radio and I hear you in every sweet song.
When I wear my hair down instead of up, and I know why you love it.
When I catch the scent of men's cologne, but know it isn't you.
When I see married couples holding hands and giggling.
When I'm in the mood to go for a long, aimless drive.
When it's morning, when it's night, and all the time in between.
I miss you the most all the time.

Playing that second line.

Me, me, me... [31 Jul 2004|12:54pm]
[ mood | content ]

I'm full of healthy food.

I get a paycheck today.

I helped out my baby and made his day better.

I get to scour the internet for the perfect e-card for Friend.

I wasted two hours of my life watching Amish in the City last night.

I have new sleep socks to make my feet baby soft.

I hope like hell that bitch Theresa isn't at work tonight.

I need another new belt because my last new one is too big.

I wish winning the lottery had better odds.

2 fools. [] Playing that second line.

Pins and needles... [29 Jul 2004|11:15pm]
[ mood | happy ]

TATTOO UPDATE!!!

In three weeks I will be in Detroit [ROCK CITY] getting inked!

THIS MAN will be my artist.

AND THIS is the picture he's working from.

I AM SO EXCITED/NERVOUS!!!

p.s.] Yes, that is my hand, H-O-T-T, I know!!!

p.s.s.] It was a toss up between the lilies and the SCREAMING GORILLA!

12 fools. [] Playing that second line.

...clinging to his picture for dear life. [26 Jul 2004|07:45pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

I got out of the car into the misty rain.
The mood change was instant, even though I fought against it.
I stumbled and my mirage vanished, my fantasy dissipated...
Like a dream you try to cling to in the early morning light.
But it's gone, and he's not here, and they have to go.
And I'm alone and exhausted from pretending to be alright.
I'm not alright, I'm not fine, I'm not okay.
My heart has regressed two weeks, my mind is broken.
What I need is some 600 miles away.
What I do is stealing my sleep and burning me out.
What I want is 1095 days into the future.
.
.
.
I feel sick.
I feel sad.
I feel lonely.
I feel hopeless.
.
.
.
I can't keep living like this, maybe tomorrow will be better.

2 fools. [] Playing that second line.

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